How to Control Who Looks Back at You in the Mirror

Updated: Aug 14, 2020

Find out how self image issues stem from primitive instincts, and how knowing this can improve your life.


By: Ava Kesler


Body shaming yourself is a terribly unhealthy thing to do that also interferes with your ability to be productive with your day. Looking at yourself with a smile on your face is not going to happen by telling yourself that you are happy with how you look, even when you aren't. So keep reading to find the perfect balance to a confident body image that will carry you on in everything you do!


You Are Not Your Body

Understanding that you are not your body is important in helping you stop looking at your physical "flaws" as personal problems. They are just like scuff marks on a cup. The cup still holds water, it's just a little worn. That doesn't make it any less of a cup though. It actually makes it more unique and special.


You are a wonderful soul with a unique personality and inquisitive mind, resting within a body.


So when you stare in the mirror nit picking yourself at 3 am, just remember that you aren't obsessing over yourself, you're obsessing over your appearance.


If you still can't wrap your head around this idea, just look at the way we speak.


I could say, "I'm going to go paint my nails."

Or I could say, "I'm going to go paint my room."


We use the same exact grammatical structure, just different nouns. But having a clean room does not reflect on you quite as personally as having a neat manicure does; but according to this grammar, they should be equal.


It's Just Human To See Flaws

You know how your teachers don't remember all of their students? It's understandable, they have too many throughout the years to keep track of all of them.


Same as Mother Nature. She's busy managing the whole Earth, she doesn't have time to make sure you're beautiful and taking care of yourself, she just has to ensure that your species as a whole continues.


To solve this problem of hers, she instills in you the ability to be self-critical with the idea that that you will analyze yourself and try to improve. This is all to support an idealistic species that can evolve and improve over time, all on their own.


Look at it this way. If you were a caveman, your life goals consist of finding food and finding a mate. So as you're munching on some berries, strolling around, you suddenly realize that all of the other cavemen are strutting around your mate-to-be. Suddenly survival as you know it is in jeopardy.


Well, you decide if all those guys are going to distract her from you, then you'd just have to distract her and make her remember you. But how would you accomplish this without looking like a fool?


The only option would be to look good, and just hope that she's dazzled from it.


So fast forward to when you've already dazzled her, now ya'll are just chilling, when suddenly you become very self conscious and decide you're actually ugly.


You leave and fix your hair, maybe take a rinse in that river nearby. But what have you actually done? You've self improved. You have taken the time to identify your "weaknesses" and try to make them strengths. And what does this mean? It means that you are improving the human race. You are a part of that species who has become better looking (better capable of attracting mates to continue the species), and as a result has become more confident (better able to handle all of these new mates interested in you and any potential dangers).


So, thousands of years later, that instinct is still within us. We struggle to look like supermodels, the ultimate "competition," with no professional designers or hair and makeup stylists, no photographers or sets to take pictures in, and no one to edit the pictures into out-of-this-world ones that match those of today's celebrities.


But we strive for that because we have that instinct deep inside to be the best and most capable to continue the species to its fullest potential.


How to Deal with This Instinct

Now that we've simplified it, self image will not seem as scary or painful anymore. It's not this weird concept that we shouldn't feel. No more shaming your body and then shaming yourself for doing so.


When the instinct gets the best of us, we just have to remind ourselves that we are human, and this should be expected.


So enjoy the little sessions you have with yourself deciding if white or blue looks better on you. Go live your life! Have a good time, and be happy with the journey.