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Understanding the Bully

Updated: Aug 14, 2020

By fully understanding bullies in your life, you will find that they will become significantly less hard to deal with.

By: Ava Kesler

When someone says or does something mean to you, it can really hurt. But there is no reason to accept the bad treatment. You can free yourself from their words by finding happiness within yourself.


This advice is meant for bullying that does not put you or others in jeopardy. If someone is threatening your life and safety, you need to go straight to an adult and tell them.

Don't be afraid to tell an adult. I am technically like that adult, providing comfort and advice, but I cannot listen to your specific problem and personally stop the bully. So you need to talk to someone you know and trust in real life to permanently end the bullying.

What is a Bully?

If you think everyone in your life is mean to you and therefore a bully, then you need to change your mindset. Technically everything can come across as offensive to somebody, so everyone can be called a bully at some point in their lives because they might cause this offense, but the few who actually make bullying who they are, their sole purpose, are the ones that need to be watched out for.

Everyone can have a bad day, but that doesn't make them a bully. A bully is someone who persistently goes out of their way to hurt you.

Why do Bullies Exist?

Understanding why bullies exist can make all the world of a difference in helping you cope with one. There are millions of different characteristics of bullies and even more backstories that led them to become one, but there is one uniting characteristic that all of them share.

They need your energy.

Hear me out. Bullies for one reason or another have something that's bothering them. This could be anything, but it definitely drains their energy, leaving them empty and dull.

This becomes a problem for them, and they become hungry for more energy. The easiest way to get energy, is to suck it from someone giving off negative emotions.

In short, bullies are just looking for ways to gain more energy and power. It really doesn't have anything to do with you personally. The problem stems from the bully themself.

For example, if someone bullies you for being a "nerd," at first you might assume that they think you're weird or geeky and have no friends, because that is what a stereotypical nerd is.

However, the real problem is that they are jealous of you. They wish that they had the ability to study as hard as you do and to get such good grades.

Now in terms of bullies, this mindset gets way out of hand. The bully has something else affecting them that prevents them from seeing reality properly.

So, while this does explain bullies, it does not excuse them. We are a sophisticated society now, and should not relay our personal anger and struggles onto others.

How Can I Be Rid Myself of a Bully?

In addition to ignoring or sympathizing the bully, you must stop making the whole situation about them, and start making it about you!

1. Ignore Them

Ignoring the bully will do wonders for your health. Being angry or sad takes up way too much energy to go wasting it on your reaction to the bully. By ignoring their taunts, you can save yourself a good deal of trouble.

If they say something normal that doesn't come across as mean to you, then you can react to them like you would to someone you've only met once or twice (polite but distant).

Otherwise, there is absolutely no reason to acknowledge them in any way.

Be aware that by ignoring, I mean disregarding their insults. Imagine them bouncing off of yourself.

Don't be a sponge, be a rock.

But you should still be aware of whether their behavior towards you is hurtful. If so, you will need to find a trusted adult to help you.

2. Sympathize Them

Bullies are so rude because of something wrong within their own lives. This could be a mental disorder or the lack of proper parental guidance.

These reasons are perfectly understandable- but that doesn't make their abuse towards you okay. No matter what they might be going through, you should never tolerate self degradation from them, or anyone else.

Looking back at the tyrants in history, we know that they just wanted personal gain. Most of them had family problems. It makes sense that they would try to take over the world. But that doesn't make us excuse them of all their crimes. And the same applies to bullies.

So in short, don't let someone bully you just because it makes sense that they are a bully.

The proper way to sympathize a bully is to understand that their personal life is the problem, not you. This varies on a case by case basis, but essentially by analyzing their character and what you know about the person, you can truly see how their bullying you is just a way of them releasing their anger and recharging themselves.

3. Know Your Worth

Letting a bully convince you of who you are would be like a lion letting a jealous house cat tell him that he is not a big cat.

You can't let someone tell you who you are. You have to decide for yourself who you are and who you want to become.

Surround yourself with loving people who actually support you and see reality. Love your family and those who deserve your love.

Remind yourself of who you are every spare minute you have. Be strong and proud of who you are, and only change it up for yourself.

You have all the power to do this right inside of you. Just take some time to find the key to unlock it if you haven't found it yet.

And remember, be the lion.


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